Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A DREAM I HAD IN 2008, REPOSTED FROM A DIFFERENT BLOG.

I SAW HIM STANDING ON A LAKE, IN WITHERED UNDERCLOTHES.
HE WAS PALE, BUT STILL VERY DARK, IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.
HE STOOD ON THAT BLACK LAKE AND STARED AT ME AND STARED AND STOOD UNTIL I BECAME CONVINCED HE COULD STARE RIGHT THROUGH MY SKIN AND MY GUTS AT SOMETHING ELSE THAT WASN'T ME AT ALL; SO I LOOKED BEHIND ME, BUT THERE WASN'T ANYTHING THERE WORTH STARING SO INTENTLY AT, AND I DON'T MIND TELLING YOU I FELT RATHER FOOLISH, AS IF ANYONE COULD EVER LOOK THROUGH FLESH AND BONE.

I CAN'T SAY I WAS EXACTLY FRIGHTENED - HE WAS FAR ENOUGH OUT IN THE LAKE THAT I FELT SAFE WHERE I STOOD ON THE BEACH, BUT I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE, KIND OF LIKE WAKING UP ALONE, IN A STRANGE HOUSE. OF COURSE, I FELT LIKE I SHOULD LEAVE, AND CERTAINLY I WAS TOO NERVOUS TO CALL OUT TO THE MAN ON THE LAKE, BUT I WAS AT THE SAME TIME TOO CURIOUS AS TO HOW AND WHY HE WAS STANDING SO STILL OUT THERE ON ALL THAT BLACK WATER, AND SO I SAT DOWN ON THE BEACH NEXT TO SOME WHISTLING BEACH GRASS, DUG MY FEET INTO THE SAND AND KEPT WATCHING.

I'D SAY ABOUT AN HOUR OR AN HOUR AND A HALF WENT BY BEFORE HE MOVED. I WAS STILL WATCHING HIM, MY EYELIDS HEAVY, WHEN I COUNTED SIX STEPS HE TOOK TOWARD THE SHORELINE. HE TOOK SIX STEPS AS THOUGH HE WAS WALKING ON PAVEMENT AND THEN HE KNELT DOWN, AND THEN HE DIPPED ONE LONG, LUMINESCENT ARM INTO THE WATER AND FROM ITS DEPTHS EXTRACTED A RAGGED AND STAINED WHITE DRESS SHIRT. STILL KNEELING, HE PUT THE SHIRT ON, BUT IT SEEMED TO REQUIRE MUCH OF HIS STRENGTH TO DO SO, AND ONCE IT WAS ON PROPERLY HE SAT DOWN ON THE WATER TO REST. WHEN HE FINALLY STOOD UP, HE TOOK EVEN MORE STEPS TOWARDS ME, BUT THIS TIME HE STRODE SO FAST I COULDN'T KEEP COUNT, AND IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE HE HAD REACHED THE SHALLOWS JUST BEFORE THE SCATTERED PEBBLES OF THE SHORELINE.

HIS FACE WAS KIND, ALTHOUGH IT WAS STARVED AND SUNKEN IN LIKE A VILLAIN'S OR MAYBE A GHOST'S. HIS FACE WAS KIND AND EVEN HANDSOME, BUT THERE WAS SOME UNSETTLING QUALITY ABOUT IT THAT I STILL CANNOT PLACE, AND LOOKING AT IT MADE ME TENSE AND STRUCK ME ILL. HE BECKONED TO ME WITH THOSE LONG ARMS, WHICH I COULD NOW PLAINLY SEE WERE NOT AS WHITE AS I THOUGHT BEFORE - HIS SKIN WAS YELLOWED AND FLAWED. I SURMISED THAT HE HAD RECENTLY ESCAPED FROM SOMEWHERE OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE HIS ARMS WERE DOTTED AND STRIPED WITH SMALL LACERATIONS, AND I WONDERED WHAT IT WAS COULD HAVE MADE SUCH PRECISE AND TINY CUTS. THE CLOSER I LOOKED, THE WORSE I FELT. SUCH A COLD, DARK SWEAT I HAD NEVER KNOWN, EVEN IN THE GRIP OF FEVER, AND I COULD NOT MOVE FROM WHERE I STOOD. NOW WITH SURPRISINGLY GRACEFUL FINGERS HE BECKONED, AND SWALLOWING HARD I PICKED UP ONE LEADEN FOOT AFTER THE OTHER AND AS THOUGH THE SAND WERE SNOW TRUDGED TOWARDS HIM.

I COULD SEE NOW, MORE CLEARLY THAN BEFORE, THAT THE SHIRT HE HAD PULLED FROM THAT WATERY WASTELAND WAS NOT ONLY THREADBARE AND STAINED, BUT IT WAS COVERED IN TINY, LIVING BARNACLES, LIKE A SHIP'S HULL. HE REACHED IN THE BREAST POCKET AND PULLED OUT A SMALL COIN, MADE OF BRASS, ABOUT THE SIZE A DIME. THERE WERE NO MARKINGS OR ENGRAVINGS ON IT. HE HANDED IT TO ME, AND AFTER RELUCTANTLY ACCEPTING HIS STRANGE GIFT I ASKED HIM WHY HE WOULD NOT STEP PAST THE WATER.

"I HAVE NEVER TRIED" HE BREATHED SADLY " AND I CONFESS I AM TOO AFRAID TO"

HIS VOICE WAS SWEET AND SAD, AND I WAS SURPRISED HE DIDN'T HAVE A LOWER OR MORE EVIL TONE. INSTEAD HE SOUNDED LIKE SHIPS IN THE DISTANCE, OR LIKE A MOUTH GENTLY BLOWING OVER A HALF EMPTY BOTTLE, AND WHEN HE SPOKE MY FEAR LIFTED, AND MAYBE I EVEN FELT A LITTLE SORRY FOR THAT STRANGE, BRITTLE MAN IN HIS RUINED DRESS SHIRT, WITH HIS BLACK, LAWLESS HAIR.

"BUT WHY BE AFRAID?" I ASKED HIM. "I STAND HERE ON DRY LAND AND I LIVE, AND I BREATHE, AND I AM FINE"

HE LOOKED AT ME AS THOUGH I HAD JUST ASKED HIM TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE.

"WHAT'S YOUR NAME" HE ASKED

"IT'S NOT IMPORTANT" I REPLIED, AND THEN HAD AN IDEA.

"I'LL TELL YOU MY NAME IF YOU STEP HERE ON THIS DRY LAND WITH ME"

I DON'T KNOW WHY I WANTED HIM TO COME ON THE BEACH SO BADLY, AND HE LOOKED HORRIFIED, BUT HE MUST HAVE REALLY WANTED TO KNOW MY NAME, SO HE STEPPED FORWARD.

HE STEPPED FORWARD AND SET ONE YELLOWED FOOT ON THE SAND AND I SWEAR HE BEGAN TO SINK. HE SANK SO FAST THAT BY THE TIME I STOPPED GAWKING AT THE POOR FELLOW HE WAS SHOULDERS DEEP IN THE SOLID GROUND. I GRABBED HOLD OF ONE OF HIS SKINNY LIMBS AND TRIED TO PULL HIM OUT BUT THE EARTH WAS STRONGER, AND IT SWALLOWED HIM WHOLE. I STOOD THERE WHERE HE FELL INTO THE BEACH AND FELT SO GUILTY AND SICK WITH MYSELF FOR NOT JUST TELLING HIM MY STUPID NAME THAT I STARTED TO CRY, AND THEN I STARTED TO DIG.

REMARKABLY, HE HADN'T SCREAMED AT ALL AS HE SANK, OR UTTERED ANY SOUND FOR THAT MATTER, BUT AS I DUG I COULD THINK OF NOTHING BUT HIS DARK, SUNKEN EYES LOOKING AT ME HELPLESS, SAD AND SLEEPY.

IT WAS HOURS AND HOURS BEFORE I CALLED MY DIG FRUITLESS.
IT WAS HOURS ON END, AND I WONDERED WHY THERE WAS STILL NO SIGN OF DAY. IT'S HARD TO DIG A GOOD HOLE ON THE BEACH, ESPECIALLY WITH NO TOOLS, AND THE HOLE I HAD CLAWED AND SCRAPED OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS WAS CAVING IN, THE SIDES SLIDING SLOWLY DOWN INTO THE FOUR INCHES OF WATER BELOW; SLOWLY, AS IF MOCKING ME AND MY USELESS, GIRLISH HANDS. I WAS TIRED, AND I WOULD HAVE JUST GONE HOME, BUT I COULDN'T BEAR TO LEAVE THE BEACH KNOWING WHAT I HAD CAUSED. I CURLED UP BESIDE THE WHISTLING BEACH GRASS AND SLEPT A DREAMLESS SLEEP, AND WHEN I WOKE UP IT WAS STILL NIGHT.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

SOMETHING I REMEMBERED FOR NO REASON

WHEN I WAS IN THE SEVENTH GRADE, THERE WAS AN ORIENTEERING UNIT IN OUR GYM CLASS, WHICH WAS A SHARED CLASS OF SEVENTH AND EIGHTH GRADERS. WE WOULD HAVE TO GO AROUND THE SCHOOL GROUNDS USING OUR COMPASSES TO FIND THESE HIDDEN FLAGS, THE COORDINATES OF WHICH WE WOULD WRITE DOWN AND HAVE SCORED BY THE TEACHER AT THE END OF THE HOUR. ON ONE OF THE DAYS, INSTEAD OF GOING OUTSIDE AND GETTING RIGHT TO IT, THE TEACHER GATHERED EVERYONE AROUND AND STARTED LOSING HER SHIT ABOUT HOW SOMEONE HAD RIPPED DOWN ONE OF THE FLAGS, AND HOW IT WAS SO FUCKED UP AND DISRESPECTFUL, AND ASKED EVERYONE WHO DID IT. OF COURSE NOBODY CAME CLEAN, AND SO SHE SAID THAT UNTIL SOMEONE DID, NONE OF THE EIGHTH GRADE GIRLS WOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO ON THEIR CLASS TRIP TO CEDAR POINTE AMUSMENT PARK. IN THE LOCKER ROOM AFTER CLASS, THE EIGHTH GRADE GIRLS WERE FREAKING OUT, AND FOR SOME REASON THEY CAME UP TO ME AND WERE LIKE "ELIZA WE KNOW YOU FUCKING DID IT." (I DIDN'T) "WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU HAVE TO TELL HER YOU DID IT". BASICALLY THEY WERE BEING COMPLETE ASSHOLES, AND I HADN'T DONE ANYTHING, BUT THEY PRESSURED ME SO MUCH THAT I WENT AND TOLD THE TEACHER THAT I HAD RIPPED THE FLAG DOWN. ALL IN ALL IT WAS A REALLY STUPID THING, I MEAN, ANYONE COULD HAVE DONE IT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, UM, THE GYM CLASS BEFORE OURS, A RANDOM PERSON WALKING BY, THE CROSS COUNTRY TEAM...YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHY OUR TEACHER WAS SO BENT OVER A FUCKING FLAG BEING RIPPED OFF A TREE (IT ALSO MIGHT HAVE FALLEN OFF?) BUT SHE WAS, AND SO WHEN I CONFESSED SHE TOLD ME I HAD TO WRITE A TWO PAGE PAPER ABOUT WHY WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. WHEN I GOT HOME, I TOLD MY MOM THAT I HAD TAKEN THE BLAME FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO, HOPING I THINK THAT SHE WOULD THINK IT WAS NICE OF ME OR SOMETHING, BUT INSTEAD SHE WAS LIKE "YOU IDIOT" AND CALLED MY TEACHER WHO SHE KNEW PERSONALLY AND TOLD HER WHAT I HAD SAID. SO THEN THE GYM TEACHER BELIEVED ME, BUT I STILL HAD TO WRITE A TWO PAGE PAPER ABOUT WHY YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THE BLAME FOR THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE DO WRONG.

THE END.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

TWO WORLDS AT ONCE

I WOKE UP RIGHT BEFORE WHENEVER DAWN IS WITH A BUG BITE ON MY LEG. IT ITCHED LIKE CRAZY SO I SCRATCHED IT, AND TRIED TO FALL BACK ASLEEP, BUT AS SOON AS I CLOSED MY EYES ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS "WHAT IF IT WAS A BROWN RECLUSE?". I TRIED TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT REMEMBER A BROWN RECLUSE POPULATION MAP I SAW IN A MAGAZINE ONE TIME AND TRY TO PICTURE THE LEVELS OF BROWN RECLUSE (IF ANY THERE WERE) IN SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN. OF COURSE I COULDN'T. SO THEN I GOT ALL FREAKED OUT AND LAY FLAT AND STILL WITH EYES OPEN IN TOTAL DARKNESS UNTIL I HAD PUT IT ALL FROM MY MIND, AND WAS TIRED ENOUGH TO SLEEP AGAIN, BUT EVERY TIME I CLOSED MY EYES ALL I COULD SEE WAS THE SAME LIGHT BLUE, DROWNED, DEAD, ROTTING ARM IN REPOSE SURROUNDED BY BLACK, SO I DON'T KNOW IF I ACTUALLY EVER WOKE UP OR WHAT. IF I WAS AWAKE AND SAW THAT WHEN I CLOSED MY EYES, HOW FUCKED UP AM I? MAYBE I WAS IN TWO WORLDS AT ONCE.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

TIME IS OFF MY SIDE

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE ALL FUCKED UP? NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT, DO YOU REMEMBER HOW BAD IT FEELS WHEN YOU PHYSICALLY HURT SOMEONE WHO IS NOT FUCKED UP WHEN YOU ARE, AND MAYBE YOU'RE PICKING THEM UP, OR MAYBE YOU ARE PUNCHING THEM IN THE SHOULDER (OR FACE), BUT NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU HURT THEM AND THEY'RE SOBER AND YOU'RE WASTED? ISN'T THAT SUCH AN EMBARRASSING FEELING? I HAVEN'T DONE THIS TOO RECENTLY BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT "WORST THINGS" LATELY AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW BAD THAT FEELS. IT'S NOT SO HORRIBLE THE NEXT DAY OR EVEN A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER, BUT RIGHT WHEN YOU PICK UP YOUR SOBER FRIEND AND DROP THEM ON THEIR BACK IT FEELS PRETTY BAD TO REALIZE THEY (MIGHT HAVE ) JUST GOT OUT OF WORK, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I'M SITTING AT A COFFEE PLACE, TRYING TO SOBER UP. SINCE WHEN HAVE I BEEN SO DRUNK? I FEEL LIKE THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. IN ANY CASE I WENT TO SOME SUSHI PLACE AND ATE ONE TUNA AND ONE PICKLED RADISH ROLL AND TRIED TO HOLD IT TOGETHER IN SPITE OF MYSELF, AND I'M CONVINCED I DID A SHITTY JOB BECAUSE THE SUSHI ROLLING GUYS WERE STARING AND ME AND EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT THEM THEY LAUGHED. MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS PRACTICALLY FACE-DOWN IN THE NEW YORK TIMES' THURSDAY CROSSWORD, BUT PROBABLY, ACTUALLY IT WAS BECAUSE EVERY MOVEMENT I MADE WAS RETARDED AND/OR THEATRICAL. I ORDERED A VEGETABLE TEMPURA TO GO, I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT IT YET; INSTEAD I'M LISTENING TO RECORDINGS I'VE MADE AND SMOKING HALVES OF CIGARETTES, BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO TAKE MYSELF SERIOUSLY WHEN I'M NOT HALF IN THE LEGENDARY BAG, AND FURTHERMORE IT'S HARD TO PAY ATTENTION TO A CIG IN A TRAY WHEN I'M LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AT SOME MOVIE THEY'RE FILMING ON THIS STREET (IT STARS CHRIS PARNELL, I GUESS).

I'M PLAYING A SHOW AT THE UPPERMOST HEIDELBERG THE 13 OF THIS MONTH, THAT'S THIS THURSDAY. T-BONE (TIM) IS PLAYING AND THE RIPPERS ARE ALSO PLAYING. HOPEFULLY I WILL HAVE NEW BUMMERS TO PLAY FOR WHOEVER COMES. MAYBE YOU WILL?

I GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCHED "SO SAD":

OK

I WAS A YOUNG GIRL BEFORE I LOVED HIM
I'M ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE
WHO LET THE DEVIL DRAW LINES BETWEEN US?
I'M ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE
OH HOW THE NIGHT WAS SO BLACK THEN
BUT I SAW HIS FACE GHOSTLY WHITE
I WAS A YOUNG GIRL UNTIL I KNEW
I WAS ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE
I WAS A-WALKING DOWN BY THE RIVER
WITH TEARS IN MY EYES
HE SAID HE LOVED ME AND I REPLIED:
I AM ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE
OH HOW MY LOVE WAS SO TRUE THEN
WHEN HE WAS ONLY MINE
WON'T LET THE DEVIL DRAW LINES BETWEEN US
I'M ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE

DARK

I WAS LYING DOWN BY
ALL WIDE EYES
ALL BLACK ALL WHITE
ALL OF MY LIFE
ALL YOU
ALL YOU HAVE
ALL YOU HAVE OR YOU WANT
I COULD GIVE YOU THOUGHT, AND WINK
ALL YOU
AW, YOU COULD
OH YOU COULD BE THE DRUGS
I SAY I LOVE
I SAY I LOVE
THE EARTH
I'M FROM
YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE
ALL BAD VERBS
AND I'M YOUR GIRL
YOU SAY YOU HATE

BLAH BLAH B LAH BL AH LHAB BALAH HHHLLAAABBBBLAH

TO YOU ALONE
YOU MISS YOUR HOME
TRIED TO GO BACK THERE
GET WHAT YOU OWN

ROCK ON THE BOTTOM
DIRT ON THE TOP
EARTHS ARE REDUNDANT
BRAINS WILL JUST ROT

WROTE YOU A LETTER
PAID FOR THE STAMP
I DIDN'T SEND IT
TIL YOU GOT BACK

I HEARD THAT EYES
ARE FOR THE WISE
AND SLEEP'S FOR THE DEAD

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

THIS BUD'S FOR YOU



HEY! I'VE NEVER MADE ANYTHING REMOTELY ROCK AND ROLL BUT I MADE THIS CORNY LITTLE ROUGH DRAFTLY JAM DON'T HATE IT:

http://www.zshare.net/audio/633467535acb5799/


GUITARS: ME
"DRUMS": ME

DON'T HAVE A BAD DAY!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

SO TOTALLY OVER IT AT WORK





LISTENED TO TODAY:

PINK FLAG /// WIRE
DESIRE /// BOB DYLAN
SHAKEDOWN STREET /// GRATEFUL DEAD
EXILE ON MAIN STREET /// ROLLING STONES
EXILE IN GUYVILLE /// LIZ PHAIR (HEAD TO HEAD TOTAL EXILE!)
PAVEMENT /// CROOKED RAIN, CROOKED RAIN
NIANDRA LADIES/USUALLY JUST A T SHIRT /// JOHN FRUSCIANTE
CANNED HEAT MEGA MIX!!!

1. IT'S NOT REALLY THAT FUNNY WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY'RE GOING TO STEAL YOUR HAT AS A WAY OF PAYING YOU A COMPLIMENT. IT'S NOT OFFENSIVE OR ANYTHING, IT'S JUST KIND OF LIKE...WHATEVER.
2. A BOTTLES GUY JUST POINTED AT ME AND SAID "TTFN"
3. A GUY IN HIS MID-FIFTIES CAME UP TO THE COUNTER TODAY LAUGHING, CLAIMING HE'D NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF LIQUOR BEFORE, AND THEN ASKED ME "HOW MUCH IS IN A HALF PINT?". OH, AND HE'S BEEN A REGULAR CUSTOMER FOR YEARS.
4. THE STONED AGE!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

THINGS THAT HAPPEN



OH MAN! HOW'S IT GOING? I JUST FOUND THESE TWO RIDICULOUS AND OVERLY REVERB'D "JAMS" ON THE COMPUTER. FORGOT ALL ABOUT THEM. THEY WERE RECORDED (AND IN ONE CASE WRITTEN) THIS ONE TIME WHEN I LEFT THE BAR LAST YEAR. OF COURSE I WAS DRUNK. OH, AND THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY JAMS AT ALL! I THINK THEY ARE PRETTY FUNNY, ENJOY!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/627204472eacb3b4/


http://www.zshare.net/audio/62720628b36af597/

I WILL POST SOME CURRENT/SERIOUS SONGS AS SOON AS I RECORD SOME.

IN OTHER NEWS, I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AFTER ONE CUP OF COFFEE AND I MAYBE I CRIED JUST A LITTLE AT A LAW AND ORDER SVU EPISODE I JUST WATCHED.

AND WHAAAT IS THE DEAL WITH PEOPLE FALLING ASLEEP IN COFFEE SHOPS? I MEAN LIKE STUDENTS, NOT "STREETIES" AS SOME (LOVINGLY) CALL THEM.

WELL, BYE!

Photobucket

Sunday, July 12, 2009

THE NEXT TIME YOU COME DOWN HERE

I'M SO STONED IT FEELS
LIKE I'M WEARING GLASSES
IN THE SUN





Thursday, July 9, 2009

TOMORROW, JULY 10

OH HEY, I MADE THIS BLOG. I HAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOU ABOUT EXCEPT THIS:


PLAYING TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE DREAMLAND --- -- -- ------

MONIKA
ME
KELLY CALDWELL
SECRET TWINS
MATT G

IT'S A BENEFIT SHOW FOR A DUDE WHO NEEDS TO PAY MEDICAL BILLS.

THESE PEOPLE GOING TO BE SHOWING/HOPEFULLY SELLING ARTWORK:

KEITH MCARTHUR
EMMA SCHULTZ
CASEY DIXON
STEVEN PICKNELL
MONIKA SZYDLOWSKI
ANDREW REAUME

I MIGHT HAVE SOME ZINES FOR SALE TOO, IF I FINISH THEM IN TIME.

YOU SHOULD COME. DREAMLAND THEATRE, NINE O'CLOCK, YPSILANTI MICHIGAN. ACROSS FROM DEJA VU (THE STRIP CLUB). AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BRING SOME MONEY. I'M JUST SAYING.

DON'T BLOW IT

HELLO IT'S ME